Navigating Life's Decisions: The Power of Value-Based Decision Making
- jaseneberzlcsw
- Dec 16, 2025
- 6 min read
Updated: Dec 31, 2025
When life gets loud—burnout at work, relationship uncertainty, family conflict—it’s easy to make decisions based on the loudest emotion in the room: fear, guilt, anger, urgency, or shame.
Value-based decision making is a way to turn the volume down on all that noise and turn the volume up on something steadier: what you want your life to stand for.
In psychology, values are often described as guiding principles—enduring directions that organize choices and behavior across situations. Scott Barry Kaufman+1 In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), values are central because they help people move toward a meaningful life even when discomfort shows up along the way. PubMed+1
This post will walk you through:
an intervention to identify your top 5 values, and
a practical, repeatable process for using those values to answer questions like:
“Should I get a new job?”
“Should I break up with my partner?”
“Should I cut this family member out of my life?”
Values vs. Goals (the simplest way to stop confusing the two)
Goals are destinations you can check off (“get licensed,” “lose 20 pounds,” “move to a new city”). Values are directions you keep living (“growth,” “health,” “adventure,” “integrity,” “family”).
In ACT terms: values are ongoing patterns of action, not a finish line. PubMed+1
Why this matters: you can hit a goal and still feel empty if it wasn’t tied to your
values—or if it required betraying them.
The “Top 5 Values” Intervention
Values work can be done a lot of ways (lists, card sorts, journaling prompts). Clinical reviews describe multiple structured approaches and common pitfalls (like picking values you think you should have rather than values you truly want to live). PubMed+1
Here’s a clean, effective method you can do in 15–25 minutes.
Step 1: Choose from a menu (don’t rely on memory)
Pick 10–15 that genuinely matter to you (not what would look good on a mug). If you need a starter list, use categories like:
Relationships: love, loyalty, compassion, honesty, teamwork
Self: growth, courage, discipline, creativity, authenticity
Life structure: stability, freedom, adventure, simplicity, achievement
Community: service, justice, spirituality, leadership, responsibility
(Values taxonomies vary across models, but the point is the same: values guide priorities and behavior. Scott Barry Kaufman)
Step 2: Narrow to your top 5 with “forced-choice”
Take your 10–15 and repeatedly ask:
“If I could only keep one of these in a hard season, which stays?”
“Which value am I most unwilling to betray—even if no one claps for me?”
“Which value, when I live it, makes me feel like me?”
Keep cutting until you land on 5.
Step 3: Define each value behaviorally (so it’s usable)
For each of your 5, write:
My definition: what it means to me
Looks like: 3 observable behaviors
Costs: what it may require (time, discomfort, boundaries)
This matters because values become powerful when they translate into action, “valued living.” Research consistently links acting in line with values to better well- being and lower distress, including daily-life (diary) research. ACBS+2archipel.uqam.ca+2
Step 4: Add a “values integrity” check (optional but strong)
A short values-writing exercise—writing about a core value and why it matters— has evidence for improving coping and buffering threat responses (a self- affirmation effect). Stanford Education+1
Prompt (5 minutes):
“One value I refuse to abandon is ______. It matters because ______. I want to live it by ______.”
Applying Values to Real-Life Decisions
Should I get a new job?
Instead of focusing only on burnout or pay, examine which option best supports values like growth, stability, family presence, or health.
Should I end a relationship?
Ask whether the relationship allows you to live your values authentically—or whether staying requires ongoing self-betrayal.
Should I distance myself from a family member?
Values-based boundaries help distinguish between self-respect and avoidance. Sometimes honoring values like safety, dignity, and responsibility means redefining contact.
A “Good” Decision Isn’t Always Comfortable
A values-based decision isn’t defined by immediate relief. It’s defined by integrity. Even when outcomes are uncertain, choosing in alignment with your values helps reduce regret and increase long-term psychological well-being.
The Values-to-Decision Framework (use this every time)
When you’re facing a major decision, don’t ask “What do I feel like doing right now?”
Ask these five questions:
1. What decision am I actually making?
Name it clearly: “I’m deciding whether to apply for jobs.” “I’m deciding whether to end this relationship.” “I’m deciding what level of contact is healthy with this family member.”
2. What are my realistic options (not fantasy options)?
List 2–4 options you can actually do (including “pause and gather data”).
3. How does each option fit my Top 5 values?
Rate each option 0–10 for each value:
0 = violates this value
10 = strongly expresses this value
(You’re not looking for “perfect.” You’re looking for “most aligned overall.”)
4. What short-term discomfort might show up—and am I willing to carry it?
Values-based action often includes discomfort (uncertainty, grief, fear). ACT highlights willingness and psychological flexibility as part of living in alignment. PubMed+1
5. What decision would Future-Me respect?
This is the “integrity test.” Even if it hurts, will you respect the why?
A related research angle: goals that are consistent with your core values (“self-concordant goals”) tend to be pursued more sustainably and are linked to better well-being over time. PubMed+1
Example 1: “Should I get a new job?”
Common traps:
Deciding purely from burnout (escape), fear (avoidance), or ego (status chasing). Values-based reframes ask: What kind of worker/parent/partner/human am I trying to be?
Try this worksheet-style prompt:
My top 5 values: ______
In my current job, the value I’m most honoring is: ______
The value I’m most betraying is: ______
If I stay for 6 more months, I’m moving toward ______ and away from ______
If I leave, I’m moving toward ______ and away from ______
What alignment looks like:
Growth might mean mentorship, learning, challenge.
Stability might mean benefits, predictable hours, manageable stress.
Family might mean presence and emotional bandwidth, not just income.
Then make a values-based plan:
If leaving aligns most: take 2–4 weeks to gather data (resume, applications, networking), and set a boundary to reduce current-job harm while you transition.
If staying aligns most: renegotiate (schedule, workload, role clarity) and set measurable checkpoints.
Example 2: “Should I break up with my partner?”
Important note: If there’s emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, coercion, or fear, the “values” question becomes a safety question first. (Values-based decision making should never be used to justify staying unsafe.)
If safety is not the issue, values-based decisions focus on:
Do we share enough overlap in “how we do life”?
Can we live our values together without chronic self-betrayal?
Use a 3-part values lens:
Value alignment: Do our core values meaningfully conflict? (Example: one values family/commitment, the other values freedom/novelty—conflict isn’t fatal, but it requires negotiated agreements.) Scott Barry Kaufman
Value expression: Can I express my values in this relationship without shrinking?
Value repair: When we’re off track, can we repair in a way that matches our values (honesty, respect, responsibility)?
A powerful question:
“If nothing changed for 2 years, would this relationship still be consistent with my values?”
If yes → the next step is often values-based action inside the relationship (hard conversations, counseling, boundaries). If no → grief is real, but ending may be an act of integrity.
Putting it all together: the “good decision” definition
A “good” values-based decision isn’t one that guarantees comfort.
It’s one you can say this about:
“This choice fits who I’m trying to become.”
“I’m willing to carry the discomfort because the direction matters.”
“Even if the outcome is imperfect, I didn’t abandon myself.”
References (APA)
Berkout, O. V. (2021). Working with values: An overview of approaches and considerations in implementation. Behavior Analysis in Practice, 15(1), 104–114. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40617-021-00589-1 UT Tyler+1
Cohen, G. L., & Sherman, D. K. (2014). The psychology of change: Self-affirmation and social psychological intervention. Annual Review of Psychology, 65, 333–371. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-010213-115137 Stanford Education+1
Grégoire, S., Doucerain, M., Morin, L., & Finkelstein-Fox, L. (2021). The relationship between value-based actions, psychological distress and well-being: A multilevel diary study. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 20, 79–88. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jcbs.2021.03.006 ACBS+1
Hayes, S. C., Luoma, J. B., Bond, F. W., Masuda, A., & Lillis, J. (2006). Acceptance and commitment therapy: Model, processes and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44, 1–25. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2005.06.006 SCIRP+1
Hanel, P. H. P., et al. (2023). Value fulfillment and well-being: Clarifying directions over time. Journal of Personality. Essex Open Access Research Repository
Rahal, G. M., & Caserta Gon, M. C. (2020). A systematic review of values interventions in acceptance and commitment therapy. International Journal of Psychology & Psychological Therapy, 20(3), 355–372. ijpsy.com+1
Schwartz, S. H., Cieciuch, J., Vecchione, M., Davidov, E., Fischer, R., Beierlein, C., … Konty, M. (2012). Refining the theory of basic individual values. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 103(4), 663–688. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0029393 Scott Barry Kaufman
Sheldon, K. M., & Elliot, A. J. (1999). Goal striving, need satisfaction, and longitudinal well-being: The self-concordance model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. PubMed+1
Learn how value-based decision making can help you confidently navigate major life choices like career changes, relationships, and family boundaries using evidence-based psychology.
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